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by lia (londonfog_faery)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Past Child Abuse, The Marauders - Freeform, Walburga Black's A+ Parenting, it's midnight and i'm a baby so i need sleep, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:13:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23852866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/londonfog_faery/pseuds/lia
Summary: It's an angsty ficlet.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, but not really - Relationship, i'm sorry - Relationship, implied
Kudos: 30





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Sirius wanted attention. He was bored, and everyone was busy. James was at quidditch practice, he had no idea where Peter was, and Remus was reading. Sirius glanced around their dorm and rolled on to his back before weirdly sliding off the bed and standing up. He walked over to Remus' bed and rested his head at the foot of his bed.  
  
"How do you do that?" Sirius asked staring at him.   
Remus furrowed his brow with a small laugh "do what?"   
"Just, you always have something to read" He didn't know quite what he meant, but his grey eyes were sparkling with persistence.  
"It's called going to the library, you should try it" Remus snickered.   
"I do Moony, but, I've found like four books that I actually could get through, they're all so painful and slow" He was being dramatic as fuck.   
"Would you do me a favour?" Remus asked with a small smirk tugging at his lips.  
"Yeah" Sirius said excitedly standing up. He needed something to do, he felt cooped up.  
"Be quiet, I'm trying to read." Remus laughed.  
Sirius groaned. "You're not funny"   
"Maybe your sense of humour is below me" Remus replied.   
Sirius scoffed "as if"   
"You have the humour of an eight year old" Remus added with a small snicker.  
"Fuck off" He said slumping onto the foot of the taller boy's bed.  
Remus didn't reply and he turned the page in his book.   
"What are you reading?" He asked rolling onto his back to stare at the top of the four poster bed.  
"You have the attention span of a fruit fly" Remus smirked.  
"Ouch, and Minnie thinks _you're_ the nice one" Sirius rolled his eyes. "What are you reading?"  
"You already asked that"   
"You didn't answer" Sirius was counting the little stars and moons detailed on the curtains.  
"I'm reading about phsychology, it's kind of cool I guess, theres all these theories" He shrugged.  
"What _theory_ is the most interesting?" Sirius asked rolling back onto his stomach.  
"I don't know, they're all pretty neat" Remus laughed slightly.  
"Well what are you reading about right now?"   
"I'm not reading right now, because you won't shut up" Remus said. "But I'm reading about the theory of attatchment"   
Sirius nodded. "So is that like- I actually have no idea"  
"It's about how, um" Remus suddenly felt like this might not go over great with Sirius. Especially seeing as it was the theory of attachment out of all the other, less relevant theories it could've been. "Well, how parent-child relationships, affect, you know future social success"   
"oh" Sirius said quietly he stopped moving around. "Does you know, not having a good one, fuck stuff up for you?" Sirius was obviously trying to be aloof and non chalante about it, Remus saw right through it.   
"Padfoot, these are just theories, so hypothetically, kind of, but, if you form enough good friendships, and attachments, you know besides your family, it can change your attachment style I guess" Remus was suddenly feeling very awkward. I mean, he was sitting there, practically telling his best friend that he was destined to fail at making meaningful connections. "but, um, well, not getting along with your family-"  
"Moons?" Sirius was talking really quietly still. "What about, like, just, that stuff, does it you know, have other, affects I guess?"   
Remus bit his lip. Over their five years at hogwarts of course certain things had been revealed about his not-so-adequate home life. A couple of howlers suggested things probably weren't great for him, and there were many self-deprecating jokes. Yet suddenly now looking back, it seemed like, maybe, it wasn't just, a not so great family connection. It seemed a lot worse than that. The emotional immaturity. The difficulty with impulse control. The will to break rules, but the fear of doing something wrong. Most of all, the unwillingness to own up to his mistakes. He'd exposed Remus as a werewolf to Snape, and almost killed him in the works. Remus had eventually accepted the apology, but it was hard to do, because it took a long time for Sirius to admit that it wasn't just a bad thing to do for Remus, that it was bad for Snape as well. Remus wondered if he ever truly did realize that. Sirius was good at holding grudges.   
"Hard to say, I guess it depends" Remus replied quietly taking another sip of his tea.  
"I have this really weird gut feeling" Remus had never heard Sirius talk so quietly for so long in his entire five years at hogwarts. Not even while sneaking around the castle at night.   
"Yeah? About what" Remus finally closed his book and sat up. Sirius was also sitting, it had just taken a while for Remus to notice.  
"Just- I mean, I don't want to be a burden about it- Or like, freak you out or anything, but, you know, if, stuff was just, really, like, different, for you, from everyone else, or at least most people I guess kind of- I mean not that different, it's no big deal, but, like, do you ever wonder, if, I don't know never mind" Sirius was mumbling by the end of his long sentence.   
Remus furrowed his brow. "Padfoot, if you want to say something you can just say it"   
"You know how when we all spent Christmas with the Potters? That was, just really" Sirius paused furrowing his brow slightly " _different."_  
"In what way Pads?" Remus' voice had also became quiet.   
"It's just, my mum yells a lot and I guess it was just different" his voice was getting louder again. "God this is kind of stupid now that I'm saying it out loud" He laughed. "Sorry I'm bored right now you should read-"   
"No Padfoot, this is important-" Remus bit his lip. He glanced out the window, the September rain had started up.   
"No it's not" Sirius snapped. He stood up and started walking away. Remus reached for his shoulder and Sirius flinched.   
They both froze. Sirius turned around quietly. Both boy's were at a loss for words. Sirius' face broke into a smile.  
"You scared me there Lupin" He snickered.   
"oh" Remus whispered. "Sirius-" He started standing up.  
Sirius glanced at him and bit the inside of his cheek. "Remus, I can tell you're worried or some shit, but I'm honestly just being- I don't know over dramatic- I say stuff sometimes, but- seriously I'm fine-" his hand's were up almost as if he was trying to keep Remus from coming any closer.  
"Sirius-" Remus whispered again.   
Sirius' bottom lip started trembling. He'd just kind of admitted something that'd been weighing him down for fifteen years and the fact that someone else knew made him want to cry.   
"Can I hug you" Remus whispered.  
Sirius nodded. Remus' arms wrapped around the smaller boy and Sirius cried. Remus had never seen Sirius cry before. Sirius had never cried at hogwarts. 


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